I’ve been poking around the Creative Outlet Mall lately, wondering if I should sign up for a class and if so, what class and for how much, when I saw this flyer for the 16th Annual One-Day Romance Writing Workshop. Too bad I missed it (it took place a month ago, but the organizer plans to run a romance writing class sometime in the coming year)

16th Annual One-Day Romance Writing Workshop

9:00 am: Light Breakfast & Opening Remarks

Best-selling romance authors Melinda Hargrove, Jessamine Bradley, and Vinnie “The Ripper” Fischetti discuss the genre’s many possibilities.

Coffee, tea, scrambled eggs and heart-shaped cookies will be served.

10:00 am: Terminology (What Do you Call Those Things Down There?)

Does your writing have too many “throbbing manhoods” and “pearlescent womanly portals?”

Do readers react to your love scenes with howling laughter?

Join us for a frank discussion of the body’s many erotic bits and how to write a love scene that doesn’t make people cringe.

11:30 am: Snack Break

Oysters and chocolate cigars will be served.

Noon: Are Zombies Sexy?

We’ve got plenty of passionate vampires and sexy werewolves. Is there room for some rot in romance?

12:45 pm: Dessert

Chocolate truffles with lava cake filling, café au lait crème brûlée, chocolate chip muffins, strawberry shortcake with vanilla pudding frosting and many, many, MANY more. Some sugar-free options available as well (aside from tap water).

1:30 pm: Fanfiction Discussion Group

Het, slash, whatever – rave about your OTP and how you write it.

Do you prefer an epic? A gradually developing relationship set in an intricate plot with complex characterizations and an exploration of complicated ideas?

Or do your characters bang each other constantly, stopping only for an occasional bit of unimportant detective work or a magical battle that’s over far more quickly than any of their steamy love-making sessions?

2:15 pm: Power nap

2:45 pm: Let’s Talk About Consent! (If you want to…)

Did you unintentionally turn your heroic main character into a rapist? Do your characters’ relationship dynamics remind people of Stockholm Syndrome? Do you know what a safe word is?

4:15 pm: Where’s the Love?

If you’re tired of gorgeous puppy-cute dizzy heroines and brooding wealthy gentlemen, come explore new romantic territory. Characters with different backgrounds, appearances and personalities.

5:30 pm: Two-Hour Networking Buffet

Food will be served. Lots of it. And you can bring signed copies of your own books and throw them at people so that they will remember you forever.